How long does it take to build a business, or do anything at which you want to be successful?
It depends on how many shots you’re willing to take.
My business development action plan includes some activities that are well within familiar territory: Write blog posts and articles. Produce podcasts. Coach clients. Give presentations.
It also includes stuff that feels unfamiliar and a little scary: E-mail and call people I DON’T ALREADY KNOW.
Terrifying!
OK, OK, not really “terrifying,” but just the idea of it pushes the buttons inside me labeled “insecure!” and “who are YOU…!?”
A conversation with a trusted adviser this morning (one great way to put tape over those buttons, so they can’t be pushed so easily!) reminded me of this brilliant Wayne Gretzky quote: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
So if I don’t e-mail, if I don’t pick up the phone, then 100% of those people won’t learn about how I can help them. They won’t have the opportunity to say “tell me more.” Instead, I’m saying “no” preemptively, on their behalf.
And why the heck would I want to do that!?!?
When I get too much in my head, or when I start making excuses and deciding it’s more important to go match up all my socks, I’ll remember: it’s really quite easy. All I have to do is show up authentically, believe in and share my value, make an offer and see what happens. I’m open to outcome, not attached.
And, I watch this short video to remind me that it’s all good.
What do you think? How does failure lead to your success? What helps you to trust yourself?
Ugh. The contacting of people you don't know. I hear you on that one, Beth!
And you know, I *get* the whole idea of missing every shot you don't take and the logic behind the silliness of preemptively saying NO for someone else. Thing is (for me) these fears are pretty deep-seated. They're old. They feel like survival instincts…Seth Godin would probably call it "lizard brain" stuff. The logic alone isn't enough to get me to pick up the phone.
In fact, I'd go as far as to say that this logic sometimes just provides a weapon for me to beat myself up with. Not only am I "not doing what I'm supposed to be doing" (making scary phone calls), but there is no "good reason" for not doing it.
I make more progress when I practice awareness, acceptance and self-compassion. Acknowledging the fear and allowing it to be there. Giving myself permission to feel scared (instead of trying to change my feelings with logic). I find if I don't do that, I can't move forward. I also notice (when I'm paying attention) that the fear subsides dramatically once I actually move into taking action.
And I draw on past experiences: I remind myself that I *used* to be afraid of public speaking, but now it is comfortable for me. I know first hand that scary things get easier the more I do them. Which, I admit, doesn't always help when the monster is sitting right there on my desk!
I think the key is in what you said about being authentic, staying open and letting go of outcomes. If I can get into this place, everything becomes much easier.
I am cheering for you as you push out the edges of your comfort zone! Go, Beth, go!! 🙂
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Woohoo! Thanks, Patty. Your words about our lizard brain are so true and wise. That's really it, isn't it? Being logical helps, and probably only works best after we've let our inner lizard go to town a little. I love what Scott Berkun says about the fear of public speaking: that our reptilian brain is responding to thousands of years of conditioning that says "it's one of me and thousands of them… I'm dead." Of course that would induce anxiety!! Acknowledging that is the first step to being able to move through it. It's just one of the things I admire about you Patty – you feel the fear and do it anyway! (I keep typing "anywah" today… wonder if there's something lizard going on there, LOL!)
My recent post You Miss Every Shot You Don’t Take
Beth,
As a writer AND an introvert, I can so relate to this. And because much of my work for clients is done via Internet and long distance, the in-person interactions, which I have to force myself to do, become even more unfamiliar and uncomfortable for me.
Patty's comment:
"…scary things get easier the more I do them."
I know for a fact that this is true. I used to teach classes to adults—post-graduate students—all the time. It got so comfortable to me that I could relax, have fun, and actually look forward to class night. The "missed shots" that I had to get through to get to success became fewer and farther between.
But now, I need to go back to that place, make the mistakes again, the failures that will lead me to the happy place again. Simple but profound insights here. Thanks for another thoughtful post.
Judy, you're very welcome. Yes, so much of this has its roots in my introverted preferences to have small, tight circles of people around me and to do more communication in writing (yay for the internet!) when I don't know people. My adviser is helping me to reframe my approach to be permission based, so that helps warm things up. And the more we show up and take these little uncomfortable risks, the more our win/loss ratio will tip in our favor 🙂 More time in the Happy Place, please!!
My recent post You Miss Every Shot You Don’t Take
Fabulous post as usual Beth! Calling people I don't know or don't know well is SOOOOO hard, yet I force myself to do it. I do it because I HAVE to to grow my business. And, every mistake I make in my business I learn from and say "OK, that didn't go well, I won't try that approach again." Every time I try and I succeed I get a boost of confidence. Oh yeah, i CAN do that!
I agree with Patty that I try to remind myself of the things I did that I was terrified to do and that I succeeded with. Every time I do something new it's scary and I doubt myself, but every time I do it, whether I succeed or fail, I learn from it and I keep pushing. If anything I will grow my business by true grit. I won't give up no matter how scared I am.
You have SO MUCH to offer and you will be depriving people if you don't make those calls and emails. The world needs you Beth, let them have it!
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Arden, you are so inspiring to me 🙂 . I know how much you put yourself out there, and it really gives me courage (as I'm sure it does for others who know you). And I see the results of your efforts. Does it always turn out the way we want? No. But by learning from each "mistake," we get stronger. Thank you for that awesome reminder!
My recent post You Miss Every Shot You Don’t Take
Hi Beth,
I really like this post, especially because you are so open about your insecurities and what you are doing to support yourself in 'taking those shots'.
The concept your describe is reminds me of the comment network marketer, Tom Bagby, offered: "Remember, if you don't ASK, the answer is always "no!"
I can completely relate to feeling uncomfortable phoning folks I don't know. What helps me is being clear on why I'm making the call in the first place and preparing beforehand. This can mean having a script or outline to guide me so I'm not stumbling over myself!
On the other hand, there may not be a logical reason to fear making a cold call (You're not going to die, for example), but if the cold call is strictly "cold" (as opposed to warm or hot) and the purpose of the call is to attract clients, there are far more comfortable AND effective ways to do so.
But, if the purpose of cold calling a lead or prospect is to simply break through the fear, Go For it!
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Tshombe, your words are encouraging. I love that comment from Tom Bagby – perfect! And you are so right on – setting an intention and being prepared are two of the best ways to move through the fear. Like you point out, what's the worst that can happen? Short of death :-), it could be a "go away, you're wasting my time" and a hang-up. In that case, that person wasn't part of my "peeps" anyway, even if I thought s/he might be. So, if that's the worst, and I can't imagine that happening, then well, I am in good shape :-).
My recent post You Miss Every Shot You Don’t Take
Beth, I love your candidness about your fears and how you get through them. Great advice. I once heard a motivational speaker say, "Gallop through the storm and get to the other side for the rewards." I think of situations I get fearful of taking action on, and this is the motto I run through my head. It helps me to visualize actually on the horses back and letting the horse do the work while I trust. I relate that with just allowing life to present opportunities and you being alert enough to just jump on those opportunities while they are around.
Merry, what a beautiful visual that is!! I love it! What you say about trust reminds me of what I read in "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" (a book I recommend more than any other): when you're on a sail boat and it's heeling and rolling, trying to stay still and straight will require a tremendous amount of work and wear you out. However, if you rock WITH the boat (ride WITH the horse) and trust it to keep you safe, you'll preserve energy and get where you want to go much easier (and less nauseous!). Having spent a lot of time on sailboats, I know the truth of this! Thank you for reminding me of that powerful metaphor, and for offering the idea that we can trust what's carrying us forward.
My recent post You Miss Every Shot You Don’t Take
Love, love, LOVE this post Beth! And Your sentiment "I am open to outcome, not attached" is brilliant! That could be a blog post all on it's own – heck a blog site! I even see a new product on that little quote. It is the one area that I have personally and professionally worked most diligently on.
And by the way, great acknowledgment of self too. I always appreciate the sincere vulnerability in your posts and the way you live. This is what support your success I know and it is what will keep your growing. I always learn something new from your posts, thank you for sharing so much of YOU!
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Tammy, thanks for your very kind words! 🙂 I think that idea of being open to outcome but not attached is one of the most powerful lessons I learned from my coach training. It's life changing, really. When we honestly start to examine how much we're attached to, it blows the mind. I have Gretchen Krampf to thank for bringing that little gem of a statement into my life. I'm happy to share it far and wide, and glad to know you're living it, too!
My recent post You Miss Every Shot You Don’t Take
You've given us a live demonstration of the power of authentic communication. I find it inspiring because it points the way to the future of business communications. Thank you!
I love the Michael Jordan clip. I often describe learning to do something new or uncomfortable as building a new muscle. I can feel so ouchy after a workout at the gym, but with regular use, muscles do become stronger. Then I find new sources of confidence and power to call upon.
I don't mean to sound like I have it all figured out, I surely don't! But growing up being the new kid in school every 2 or 3 years taught me that showing up over and over again makes new situations a lot less alarming almost every time.
I went to a networking event last week. Breakfast in a room with 100 other people. Ugh, not my time of day either. It definitely showed me my growing edge: learning to communicate quickly and authentically with people I don't know, and many of whom won't be a fit for my services. Hopefully my strong desire to learn and grow will propel me to get prepared and attend another networking event until that muscle works without pain.
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Given the topic I'm going to take a shot myself! Advanced thanks if you could take a peek.
Hey. I'm asking(ok,begging) a few of you to take a look at my new page as it starts to take shape to please critique and hopefully "like".
Please be gentle : )
Thanks all.
Cheryl
Cheryl Glass November 24 at 10:27pm http://www.facebook.com/pages/Smart-Chicks-Do/155…
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