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Last night, I had one of those dreams when I’m back in school and haven’t gone to a certain class most of the semester (usually history or math), and it’s finals time. Except this time, there was a twist. I wasn’t so concerned about my classes. Instead, I had two different children come up to me and ask me to donate to a project at their school. I looked at the flier from the first little girl and considered her request. She was asking for $25, and I only had $20, so I said I couldn’t give right now. The second girl, Annie (the real-life daughter of a friend), also asked me for $25, and I asked her to come back later.
Annie then turned to another friend who was sitting on the edge of the auditorium stage and asked her for a donation. My friend reached into her purse and gave Annie a dollar.
Annie said, “well, somethin’s better than nothin’!”
That’s when the light bulb came on. I looked at my friend and said, “Hey, wait a minute! I don’t have to give her the full amount!! I can give her what I have!” I asked my friend for change for my $20 bill and gave Annie $5, feeling satisfied that somethin’ was better than nothin’.
I know exactly where this dream came from. Before falling asleep, I was reading a book that was alternately interesting and overly academic. I usually slog through the parts that leave my brain feeling numb because, well, that’s what you’re supposed to do. Then I remembered a lesson I learned from my book group friends. A recent book selection had parts that frustrated some of the members, so they SKIPPED parts of the book.
SKIPPED THEM!
I confessed to the group, “It doesn’t occur to me that it’s OK to skip over parts. You’re telling me it is!?” (You can just imagine what that book-ripping scene from “Dead Poet’s Society” did to me!)
So last night, I scanned through to quickly finish the laborious chapter I was reading so that I could get to the good stuff that I was interested in. And guess what? The world didn’t come to screeching halt. The author didn’t suddenly leap out of the book and yell “What the heck ya doin’?!” And I proceeded with my reading, happily scampering among the words instead of slogging.
[pullquote]Hell, there are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something. ~Thomas A. Edison[/pullquote]
The bottom line? Life is not all or nothing… it’s a whole lot of something. And I don’t have to research the rules, policies and procedures before I do something new (for instance, this morning, I sliced into my first honeydew melon; I had to resist the temptation to log on and Google “how to cut honeydew melon” to make sure I was doing it the “right” way. A post-breakfast search yielded “about 514,000” results).
We learn the rules so that we know how and when to apply them. With common sense and good intentions, we usually do the thing that satisfies society while honoring our own needs and values.
We’re given perimeters ($25 donation, please) so that we can make a choice. It’s an opportunity to negotiate, to move past “either/or” and figure out the “both/and” solution.
So, I’m taking my dream to heart. Whether it has to do with my business or my personal life, I’m going to remember that something is better than nothing. If I spend time worrying about the rules, or whether it’s perfect, I’ll never move forward.
Life is a negotiation, with myself and others. If I don’t negotiate – if I accept everything at face value – I’ll become what others expect me to be, rather than who I really am.
It really all comes down to a simple statement: I am enough. We are all enough, and what we have to give is enough. $5, $25, $2,500… if it comes from our heart, it’s enough.
I am known for being a rule breaker…..and guess how? I just ask lots of questions to find out the “why.” Then I decide what action I am going to take.
Rules were made by human beings…I haven’t met the perfect person yet that has all the “right” answers.
Though it took me a long time to learn it was okay to mark in a book that I own.
http://www.kathycondons.blogspot.com
You know, that dream you had (minus the twist, which was really interesting) must be a common one. The one about being “unprepared” for something. Because I have the same one. also in a school setting (why is it frequently school?). Only I’m a teacher again (left teaching in the early 1990’s!).
I am in a room with unruly kids. They are running around and jumping on desks, yelling. And I have not a single thing for them to do. No supplies, no materials, no lesson plans. Nothing.
Panic!
The greater question, about rules, is an important one. We are brought up with rules and told to follow them. I still remember when I started teaching gifted elementary school kids.
The look in their eyes when I said, “Yes. That’s a ‘rule.’ What do you think about it? Does it make sense to you? Do you think there might be a better way? If you were in charge, would you change this rile?”
It was first total shock, then a grin and then occasionally some surprising—and thoughtful—answers. KNow the rules, but know when to break them I say.
Nice post, Beth!
Kathy, I like your style 🙂 Curiosity is a powerful thing to call forward as often as possible! And I am still in the “can’t write in the book” phase. It’s really challenging for me! I’m working on it, though… one day at a time!
Judy, that dream scenario would send me into a panic, too! Once again, I’m struck by how wonderful a teacher you must have been (and still are, actually!). Thanks for being a model rule breaker!
Oh I’m with ya Beth! Let’s say someone gives me five things and tells me to build something with them. OK then succeed or fail, those are the things I use! A different guy will go and get a SIXTH thing from somewhere else, while I’m saying, “But…no one said we could do that!” Guess we do need to give ourselves permission to break those rules sometimes and see what amazing things we can come up with!
I have had almost that exact same dream! I spend much of the dream attempting to locate the correct teacher and classroom so I can take the final.
Christie, what you say reminds me of a mantra we had at a (somewhat dysfunctional) former workplace "better to apologize than ask permission." While I don't believe that should be a regular practice, there are times when it has helped me, as you put it, find that sixth thing from outside the rules that makes something brilliant happen. Now, if we can move past both apologizing and permission-seeking and simply feel free to act according to our truth and common sense? Yippie!
Erika, yes! That's so funny – school really makes its mark on us, doesn't it!? I have a feeling I'll have the "haven't been to class all semester and it's finals!" dream until I'm 90, LOL! Thanks for reading and sharing 🙂